Episode 01.11 - Move On
Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on \"desperate housewives\"...
Rex: I am just trying to move on with my life.
Bree: Are you having an affair with my husband?
Mary Alice Voiceover: Suspicion ended in tragedy.
Bree: I'm here to see Rex Van De Kamp. Apparently, he had a heart attack.
Mary Alice Voiceover: Trust...
Carlos: It kills me that I'm putting you through this.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...was put on trial.
Judge Sullivan: Bring me the passport, and Mr. Solis can visit his mother.
Mary Alice Voiceover: And ex-husband...
Susan: You walked out on your family.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...was replaced.
Edie: She is out there throwing herself at Mike Delfino.
Mary Alice Voiceover: And everyone
Edie: Wow, your own personal nanny? Swell you.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...was getting in over their heads.
(Edie Britt stands next to her car, looking thoughtful.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Edie Britt could never understand why she didn't have any female friends. Of course, she always tried to tell people she didn't need any, but the truth was, it bothered Edie that other women didn't seem to like her. Even after moving to Wisteria Lane, Edie couldn't understand why her neighbors kept their distance.\"
(Flashback to when Edie moved in. She tells one of the movers to be careful, then waves at Susan, Bree, Gabrielle, and Lynette who are sitting on Susan's porch, watching the move-in. They all wave, but when Edie turns away, they whisper to each other.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"And then she met Martha Huber.\"
Mrs. Huber: \"Holy!\"
(Mrs. Huber comes up to Edie, smiling and carrying a covered dish of food.
She hands it to Edie, who takes it, smiling.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Within five minutes, Mrs. Huber managed to disparage what Edie was wearing. In fact, whenever they got together, Mrs. Huber insulted her. She made fun of everything from Edie's makeup to her taste in men.\"
(Edie and Mrs. Huber walk down the street as an attractive male jogger jogs past them. Edie turns to watch him go past her and Mrs. Huber pinches her on the arm.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Yes, Martha Huber could be cruel, offensive, and downright mean. But Edie didn't care, because she was the first real friend Edie Britt had ever had. But now Martha Huber was missing. She had vanished without a trace, and Edie was not embarrassed to admit, she needed her back. \"
(A cab pulls up and Edie shakes off her flashback as she walks to the side of it, where the door opens. A woman gets out of the cab. )
Felicia: \"Edie?\"
Edie: \"Yes.\"
Felicia: \"I'm Felicia Tilman. Martha's sister.\"
Edie: \"Really!\"
Felicia: \"What's wrong?\"
Edie: \"Oh nothing's wrong, it's just that Martha always said how alike you two were. I just don't see the family resemblance.\"
Felicia: \"It's there. It just takes a while to become apparent. Do you have the key to her house?\"
Edie: \"I do. After the police kicked the door in, they put on this temporary lock. Oh, and by the way, the neighbors are coming over at noon. We're going to organize and hand out fliers.\"
Felicia: \"The key?\"
Edie: \"Oh right. You know, I can only imagine how worried you must be.\"
Felicia: \"I'm not worried, Edie. Martha and I had a very intense bond. We were connected at the most primal level, and a few days ago, I felt this sensation in my soul. That's when it first dawned on me that something had happened to my sister. And when she didn't arrive at my home as scheduled, well, that's when I knew she was dead.\"
Edie: \"Oh, honey, no! You mustn't think like that! Martha's only missing!\"
Felicia: \"No, Edie, she's dead. But she's my sister, and I'm going to find out exactly what happened to her.\"
Edie: \"Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing.\"
Felicia: \"Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place.\"
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"It was in that moment that Edie finally saw the family resemblance.\"
Credits
[Outside Mrs. Huber's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Mrs. Huber was missing. The words echoed down Wisteria Lane until every last resident was aware of her disappearance. By noon, dozens of neighbors had gathered. Some came to volunteer, some came in sympathy, and some, came to learn exactly what the police knew and what they didn't.\"
(While neighbors pass out fliers amongst each other, Paul stands off to the side, looking down at the flier that reveals Martha is missing.)
(A man in a suit takes a flier from the pile and turns to the group of neighbors standing in Mrs. Huber's yard.)
Man: \"So I'll need you to pass out fliers. Put them in the mall, the park,
anywhere you think Mrs. Huber might have been seen. We need to jump on this; time is of the essence. Edie, would you like to say something?\"
Edie: \"On behalf of Martha, and her sister Felicia, I'd like to thank you all for coming here today. You know, my last conversation with Martha was one of anger. And I'll never forgive myself for the things that I said. I lay awake at night thinking about it.\"
(She starts sobbing and turns to cry on the shoulder of the man in the suit.)
Lynette: \"I don't know how she did it, but Edie managed to make this all about her.\"
Gabrielle: \"She's a talented girl, our Edie.\"
Susan: \"Has anybody talked to Bree? How's Rex doing?\"
Lynette: \"She's bringing him home from the hospital today.\"
Susan: \"Well, I don't know how he had a heart attack. He was so young.\"
Gabrielle: \"Hey, how creepy is Mrs. Huber's sister?\"
Lynette: \"I know. The way she was talking about Mrs. Huber, it was like she was already dead.\"
Gabrielle: \"You don't think she is...\"
Susan: \"Oh no, I'm sure she's fine. We're talking about Mrs. Huber. She's like a roach!\"
(The women walk off and Paul walks up to Felicia.)
Paul: \"I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sister's safe return.\"
Felicia: \"Oh, I seriously doubt that.\"
(She turns and walks off.)
[Rex's Hospital Room]
(Looking through the window of Rex's hospital room, a nurse can be seen checking his heartbeat with a stethoscope. Outside the room are Bree, Danielle, and Andrew.)
Danielle: \"What do you mean, you're not taking care of him?\"
Andrew: \"Dad's being released today. He's got to have a place to recuperate.\"
Bree: \"Well, then he can go to a motel because he's not allowed back in my house.\"
Danielle: \"I thought you two were getting along. What happened?\"
Bree: \"That's - between your father and me.\"
Andrew: \"You're so selfish. You know, I'm so looking forward to the day I get to put you in a nursing home.\"
Bree: \"I'm sorry to disappoint you, Andrew, but my plan is to have an embolism and to die young!\"
Andrew: \"Yeah, well we're all rooting for you, but you might not be so lucky!\"
Bree: \"Andrew!\"
Andrew: \"You want to see how long I can hold a grudge? Go ahead and abandon my father, because I promise you, you'll be sorry.\"
Bree: \"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what -\"
Andrew: \"Knew what? Well, come on, tell me! Because I'd love to know what my father did that was so awful!\"
Bree: \"Fine. I will see him through this, but after that, your father can rot in hell for all I care!\"
(She walks off.)
Danielle: \"We're not like other families, are we?\"
Andrew: \"No. We're not.\"
[Gabrielle's House]
(Carlos's lawyer, Mr. Hartley, and Gabrielle are in the living room while Yao Lin cleans around them.)
Mr. Hartley: \"Gabrielle, it's not my fault that your bank accounts are frozen.\"
Gabrielle: \"I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm just saying, fix it!\"
Mr. Hartley: \"Well, I wish I could, but the folks at the justice department aren't very sympathetic.\"
Gabrielle: \"I'm running out of money. In a couple of weeks, I'm gonna be screwed.\"
Yao Lin: \"Why don't you hock some of your jewelry? There's a lot of stuff you never wear, and most of it's ugly.\"
Gabrielle: \"Don't you have a toilet to scrub?\"
(Yao Lin leaves the room.)
Gabrielle: \"I'm just so angry with Carlos. What was he thinking, exporting goods made from slave labor? Why couldn't he have embezzled like other white collar criminals?\"
Mr. Hartley: \"All the justice department wants is to make sure that Carlos doesn't skip the country. Now, if he is released on bail, I can argue that he needs money to live on, and they'll probably unfreeze one of the smaller accounts.\"
Gabrielle: \"But they won't release him on bail until they get the passport.\"
Mr. Hartley: \"Exactly. You haven't found that yet, have you?\"
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Gabrielle wanted her old lifestyle back, no question, but she wanted Carlos to suffer for his betrayal even more. \"
(Flashback to Gabrielle looking at Carlos's passport in her hands before throwing it into the fire.)
Gabrielle: \"I'm still searching.\"
Mr. Hartley: \"Well, in that case, you might want to think about looking for a job.\"
Yao Lin (walking by): \"Hah!\"
[Susan's House]
(Susan and Mike are in the kitchen together.)
Susan: \"So, I had a really good time.\"
Mike: \"I bet you did.\"
(The doorbell rings. Susan takes a moment to run her hand down Mike's back, ending on his buttocks and giving them a squeeze before going to answer the door.)
Susan: \"Gotcha.\"
(Mike turns and gives her a happy sheepish grin.)
(Susan answers the door and it's Karl.)
Karl: \"Hey, is this a bad time?\"
Susan: \"For you? Of course it is.\"
Karl: \"That's cute. Tax stuff. I need your signature.\"
Susan: \"We've been divorced over a year.\"
Karl: \"2003.\"
(Karl walks in.)
Susan: \"Well, please. Just come on in. Uh, Mike, I don't think you've officially met my ex, Karl Mayer.\"
Mike: \"Oh hey! Mike Delfino.\"
Karl: \"Right. Plumber.\"
(Mike gives Karl a look before turning to Susan.)
Mike: \"Yeah, I don't have the right washer for this faucet, so I'm just going to go across the street and get it.\"
(Susan laughs as he brushes against her, then walks to the door, closing it behind him.)
Karl: \"So he seems okay.\"
Susan: \"Yeah, he is. So what do you want me to sign? Oh, I see.\"
Karl: \"By the way, Julie told me about her birthday plans.\"
Susan: \"Yeah, we're going to a restaurant downtown. A guy who plays piano and an open mike. Julie got a bunch of her girlfriends together, so we're just going to make a night of it.\"
Karl: \"Julie loves to sing. It sounds nice.\"
Susan: \"Here you are.\"
Karl: \"All righty.\"
Susan: \"Give my best to Brandi.\"
Karl: \"Actually, um, we're not together anymore.\"
Susan: \"You're not? What happened?\"
Karl: \"I caught her in bed with another guy. Go ahead. Do your happy dance. You deserve it.\"
Susan: \"No, no really, I'm, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am.\"
(Karl leans forward and gives Susan a hug, and holds on.)
Susan: \"Uh...\"
Karl: \"It's just really hard for me right now. Thanks.\"
(Mike walks back in and sees them. Susan motions to Mike, makes the hand sign of the phone, and then silently mouths the words 'Call me.' He walks back out, closing the door quietly behind him.)
(Karl finally lets Susan go.)
Susan: \"Uh, try ripping up old photos. It helps.\"
Karl: \"Well, have fun this weekend. Let me know how the party goes.\"
Susan: \"Karl, do you want to join us?\"
(Karl makes a series of hand gestures that indicate he's at first going to refuse, but then he walks back over to Susan and gives her another hug.)
Karl: \"Oh Susan, you're the best.\"
Susan: \"Oh, well...\" (small squeal) \"I am the best, aren't I.\"
[Lynette's House]
(Lynette and Tom lie in bed. Lynette looks over a list she's made of things to do, written on the back of the Missing Mrs. Huber flier.)
(She turns to Tom.)
Lynette: \"You know, if we're going to buy a water heater, we should talk about it. We could go to the mall tomorrow. They're having a sale.\"
Tom: \"Could we talk about this tomorrow?\"
Lynette: \"Well, I'm just trying to plan my day.\"
Tom: \"Please honey, I'm so tired.\"
Lynette: \"Okay.\"
(She takes off her glasses and turns off the light.)
Lynette: \"Hon?\"
Tom: \"Huh?\"
Lynette: \"Did you set up the coffee maker?\"
Tom: \"Oh. No. Uh, you know, I'll do it in the morning. I promise I'll get up early and do it.\"
Lynette: \"Tom...\"
Tom: \"Oh...\"
Lynette: \"Tom...Come on.\"
(He gets up.)
Lynette: \"Thanks.\"
Tom: \"Yeah.\"
(Downstairs in the darkened laundry room off of the kitchen, Claire puts clothing in the washer. She takes off her socks, looks down at her robe, notices a stain, and then, after looking around, removes the robe. She quickly throws it in with the other clothes, starts the washer, then quickly jogs through the kitchen, her arms crossed across her chest.)
(Tom comes down the stairs, stopping abruptly when he sees Claire.)
Tom: \"Claire?\"
(Claire gasps, then quickly turns around so her back is to him.)
Tom: \"Um, um, I'm, uh. Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were up.\"
Claire: \"Yeah, I, I, I thought you were sleeping. I--I was just going upstairs. Do you want me to make the coffee.\"
Tom: \"Yeah! Yeah, that'd be great! I'm just gonna, um, go back up to my room.\"
Claire: \"Okay\"
Tom: \"Good night.\"
Claire: \"Good night.\"
(Tom returns to the bedroom, smiling.)
Lynette: \"Just so you know, if we go to the mall, we can go to the shoe store. You said you wanted new running shoes.\"
(Tom gets in bed and leans over her. Lynette looks at him.)
Lynette: \"What?\"
(She turns and looks into puppy dog eyes filled with intention.)
Lynette: \"Oh.\"
(She giggles. He moves in closer, and then she rolls over on top of him as they kiss.)
[The Next Morning]
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"The next morning while the search for Martha Huber continued, Lynette discovered a little family secret. One she wasn't even looking for. \"
(Claire comes down the stairs and looks around before heading into the kitchen.)
Lynette: \"Good morning.\"
Claire: \"Good morning.\"
Lynette: \"Want some coffee?\"
Claire: \"Uh, yeah, thanks! I didn't want to come down until Tom left for work. Still a little embarrassed.\"
Lynette: \"About what?\"
Claire: \"Oh, he didn't tell you? Well, actually, it's kind of funny. Um, I was doing some laundry, and I noticed that the robe I was wearing had some baby food on it, so I threw it in, figuring I could dash upstairs while everyone was asleep. And then I ran into Tom, while I was totally naked.\"
Lynette: \"So, Claire, when did this incident occur?\"
Claire: \"I don't know. It was pretty late. I think he might have come down to make coffee or something.\"
Lynette: \"You don't say.\"
[Modeling Agency]
(The modeling agent, Mr. Gibbs, flips through a book of Gabrielle's work.)
Mr. Gibbs: \"Wow! Wow! Wow! Well, this is certainly impressive. I can definitely
get you work as a model. But you do realize it's different from the runway work you did in New York and Milan.\"
Gabrielle: \"Of course. I made ten thousand dollars a day. I don't expect to, to make that here.\"
(She glances up at a poster on the wall, which sports the slogan: \"Try the beer that's #1 among mermaids.\")
Mr. Gibbs: \"That's good. Because you won't.\"
Gabrielle: \"Yeah. So what do you got?\"
Mr. Gibbs: \"Well, there is something. Uh, they need a model to demonstrate the new Buick Lacrosse, at the Fairview Mall. It's just going to be you and the car on a revolving platform. Three hundred bucks for the day.\"
Gabrielle: \"Uh, what else do you have?\"
Mr. Gibbs: \"Sure, um, ooh. Can you swing a sword? Sci-fi convention needs someone to dress up as a warrior princess.\"
Gabrielle: \"A warrior princess? Mr. Gibbs. I am a professional model. Look at this bone structure. This face is a cash cow, and if you don't have the vision to take advantage of that, then maybe I'm at the wrong agency.\"
Mr. Gibbs: \"Hey, look, honey. I'm the only modeling agent in a hundred mile radius. I book women for boat shows and garden tool expose and if you don't like it, move back to the city.\"
Gabrielle: \"This, um, Buick thing. Does it include lunch?\"
[Bree's House]
(Bree sets a tray of food down next to the couch where Rex is lying. He sits up, breathing heavily from exertion.)
Rex: \"Just so you know, I really am grateful for everything you're doing for me.\"
Bree: \"Oh, I don't need your gratitude. You're only here because your children are master extortionists.\"
Rex: \"So you didn't tell them about...\"
Bree: \"Your adultery? No. I decided to keep that little gem all to myself.\"
(Bree begins cleaning up around the living room.)
Rex: \"Listen, I know this is a real imposition.\"
Bree: \"Yes, it is. The doctor said you could be here for weeks.\"
Rex: \"Would it make you feel any better if I told you I'm sorry for what I did?\"
Bree: \"Yes, it would...if I still felt anything for you. But as it stands, the place you used to occupy in my heart is very much empty now.\"
Rex: \"You must still feel something for me.\"
Bree: \"And why do you think that?\"
Rex: \"Oh, come on, Bree, look at this. You're using the good china, freshly pressed napkins, flowers from the garden. This tray was prepared with loving care.\"
Bree: \"Do me a favor, Rex. Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.\"
(She stalks out, taking the small vase with a flower in it off of the tray with her.)
[Susan's House, nighttime]
(Susan kisses Mike on the bed. She glances over at her nightstand and sees the missing fliers for Mrs. Huber lying there.)
Susan: \"Hold on a sec.\"
(She turns them upside down.)
Susan: \"Okay, now I'm good.\"
Mike: (chuckles)
Susan: \"What?\"
Mike: \"You're just - God, I love you.\"
Susan: \"Oh! Well, that's great!\"
Mike: \"Um. Wait. Wait. That just kind of popped out.\"
Susan: \"No, No! It's fine. It just kind of caught me off guard. I mean, I want to say it back.\"
Mike: \"Yeah, but you're not ready. It's okay.\"
Susan: \"You're not mad, are you?\"
Mike: \"No! God! We haven't been dating that long, and you've got other issues. Forget it.\"
Susan: \"Good.\"
(He rolls her over so he's on top and they kiss again.)
Susan (pulling away): \"Issues? What kind of issues do you think I have?\"
Mike: \"You know, I retract my earlier statement. I no longer love you. In fact, I just think of you as a really good buddy.\"
Susan: \"No. No, no, no. You obviously think you have some insight into my soul, so please, go ahead, dazzle me.\"
Mike: \"Your divorce left you hurt and vulnerable.\"
Susan: \"Big insight. The postman knows that.\"
Mike: \"And there's a chance you might still have feelings for your ex.\"
Susan: \"What? I loathe Karl, and the postman will back me up on that, too.\"
Mike: \"I'm sure part of you does hate him, but, you know, maybe part of you is still hung up on him.\"
Susan: \"Where are you getting this?\"
Mike: \"Well, he broke up with the woman he left you for, and what was the first thing you did? You hugged him and invited him to a party.\"
Susan: \"Okay, the analysis part of this evening is now over.\"
Mike: \"Hey, you asked.\"
Susan: \"Well, you know what? You're going to come to Julie's party tomorrow night, and you're gonna see Karl and I together, and you're going to understand once and for all that I have no feelings for him whatsoever.\"
Mike: \"Actually, I have tickets for a basketball game tomorrow night.\"
Susan: \"Actually, you're coming to the party tomorrow. And that's the end of it.\"
Mike (to himself): \"That is what I get for saying 'I love you'.\"
Susan: \"What?\"
(Mike deflects the question by taking a drink from a glass of wine.)
[Pharmacy]
(Bree steps up to the counter.)
Bree: \"Hello, George.\"
George: \"Mrs. Van de Kamp. You're looking lovely today.\"
Bree: \"You always say the nicest things.\"
George: \"Well, it's, uh, it's true.\"
Bree: \"Listen, I have a prescription here for Rex. I don't know if you heard, but he had a heart attack.\"
George: \"I had no idea. Is he okay?\"
Bree: \"Oh yes, he'll, he'll live. But the doctor said he's at risk for something called pericarditis. Do you know anything about that?\"
George: \"It's an inflammation of the membrane that surrounds the heart. It will take a few months to make sure it doesn't develop, but he'll need constant care.\"
Bree: \"So I hear.\"
(She gives him the prescription and he leaves the counter to go fill it.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"As the word's 'Constant Care' echoed in her head, Bree caught a sickening glimpse into her future.\"
(A man coughs behind Bree and she turns to see an old man sitting in a wheelchair with an old woman helping him sit more comfortably.)
(Bree watches them, looking uncomfortable.)
George: \"Okay. Here we go.\"
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Which prompted her to seek an old-fashioned remedy.\"
Bree: \"George? Would you go out to dinner with me?\"
George: \"Um, you mean, like a date?\"
Bree: \"Yes, I think it would be fun.\"
George: \"What about your husband?\"
Bree: \"Oh, him. Well, we're separated.\"
(George smiles and Bree smiles back.)
[Outside]
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"In spite of Mrs. Huber's disappearance, life on Wisteria Lane started to return to normal. Until an intriguing discovery was made on a dirt road next to the interstate.\"
(A policeman finds Mrs. Huber's car abandoned by the woods. He opens it and looks in the glove department, finding the car registration. He calls in to Dispatch.)
Policeman: \"This is Officer Burton. I have an abandoned vehicle registered to a missing person, one Martha Huber. Please advice.\"
[Later]
A crowd of neighbors are gathered in the woods to search for Mrs. Huber. A table has been set up for food and coffee.
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"As news spread of this mysterious development, everyone in the neighborhood decided to band together, to show their support, and to look for clues. Or worse. \"
Bree: \"I'm keeping my eyes on the horizon. Please tell me if I'm about to step on a body part.\"
Lynette: \"It's a search and rescue, not recovery. We don't know if she's dead.\"
Susan: \"Yeah, people fake their own abductions all the time.\"
Bree: \"Can we talk about something else - something less depressing?\"
Susan: \"Well, here's something. Mike told me he loved me.\"
(Lynette and Bree both gasp.)
Lynette: \"Oh, my god!\"
Mrs. Greenberg: \"Over here! They found the body!\"
Lynette: \"No, no! I'm sorry! False alarm. We didn't find a body. Uh, Susan just had some really good news. Sorry.\"
Distant voice of a man: \"Oh, it's nothing. False alarm.\"
Edie: \"Well, doesn't that figure. Susan always finds a way to make it about her.\"
[Fairview Mall]
(A Buick rotates slowly on a platform while Gabrielle stands in front of it in a blue evening gown, talking into a microphone.)
Gabrielle: \"Ladies and Gentlemen. I present to you the fabulous Buick Lacrosse.\"
(Microphone feedback. Annoyed, Gabrielle turns to the woman handling the audio. She makes a quick adjustment then gives Gabrielle a thumbs-up.)
Gabrielle: \"It, uh, it has an excellently crafted interior, peaceful quiet tuning, and ultrasonic rear parking assist. Observe the remote activation feature.\"
(She pushes a button and the car starts. She then sees Lynette and Tom riding down the escalator.)
Gabrielle: \"Uh, and it also has a lot of other exciting good, cool car things.\"
(She tries to run around to the other side of the turntable, but her dress gets caught.)
(The audio girl, Sarah, watches her. Tom and Lynette get off of the escalator and see Gabrielle.)
Gabrielle: \"Tom! Lynette! What are you doing here?\"
Tom: \"We're buying a new water heater. Um, how 'bout you?\"
Gabrielle: \"Just doing a little shopping, trying to get my mind off things.\"
Sarah: \"Hey Gabby, you need help, it looks like you're stuck here.\"
Gabrielle: \"Uh! I guess I am.\"
Sarah: \"No worries, I got it.\"
Gabrielle: \"I guess I got too close to the turn table. I'm a sucker for these Buicks.\"
Sarah (to the dress): \"Come on, you bastard!\"
Gabrielle: \"You know, with their perfectly crafted interior, and peaceful, quiet tuning.\"
Lynette: \"Uh-huh. A little formal for the mall.\"
Gabrielle: \"Oh, uh, you know, I wanted to match the shoes to the dress. This is, uh, Sarah, my shopping buddy. We like to hit the boutiques together.\"
Lynette: \"Okay. Well, you gals, um, shop your little hearts out. See you later.\"
Gabrielle \"Bye.\"
(They walk off. Sarah waves after them and Gabrielle sighs irritably.)
[Bree's House]
(Bree comes down the stairs, dressed in a red dress, with her hair styled up.)
Rex: \"Wow. Look at you! You going out?\"
Bree: \"Not that it's any of your business, but, I have a date.\"
Rex: \"A date. What kind of date?\"
Bree: \"Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor says any undue stress could cause another heart attack.\"
(Rex gives up and turns his back to her.)
Bree: \"It's a romantic date with a single attractive man, and I intend to French the hell out of him.\"
(The doorbell rings.)
Bree: \"Oh, right on time!\"
(She goes to answer the door and Rex watches from the couch.)
George: \"Hi.\"
Bree: \"Hi,\"
George (hands her a small bouquet of flowers): \"In my spare time I garden. I thought you might like these.\"
Bree: \"Oh, my, they're exquisite. Compost and eggshells?\"
George: \"Yes!\"
Bree: \"Oh! Come on in. George, you remember Rex?\"
(Rex smiles and waves his hand from where he's sitting. George's step falters.)
George: \"I thought you said you were separated.\"
Bree: \"Oh, we are, emotionally. Physically, he just lives here because his mistress refuses to care for him. Would you like a drink?\"
George: \"Uh no, I'm fine. Thanks.\"
Bree: \"Rex, say hello to George!\"
Rex: \"Hello, George!\"
George: \"Hello, Dr. Van de Kamp.\"
Bree: \"I'm going to go put these in water. George, why don't you have a seat, and I'll be right back.\"
(George sits down on the other end of the couch.)
George: \"So, uh, how's your heart, Dr. Van de Kamp?\"
Rex: \"Better. How's the pharmacy?\"
George: \"Busy. It's busy.\"
(Rex bursts out laughing.)
George: \"Something funny?\"
Rex: \"It's, it's nothing. You see, I, uh, recently engaged in some extracurricular activity, and now Bree's doing anything she can to make me suffer. All you can do is laugh.\"
George: \"Yeah, uh, I guess.\"
(Bree comes back in and sets the flowers in the vase next to Rex.)
Bree: \"Oh, these flowers are stunning. They're the best ones I've ever gotten.\"
(She smiles down at Rex, who turns and smiles at George.)
Bree: \"Ah. Shall we?\"
George: \"It was nice talking with you, Dr. Van de Kamp.\"
Rex: \"Please, you're dating my wife! Call me Rex!\"
(Bree turns abruptly to glare at him, then turns her back and she and George leave.)
[Fairview Mall]
(Lynette and Tom get back on the escalator, bags in hand.)
Lynette: \"That sales girl that sold us the water heater - she had a cute figure.\"
Tom: \"Yeah, I guess. I didn't notice.\"
Lynette: \"Oh, how can you say, she was so your type, big breasts, really curvy.\"
Tom: \"What are you doing?\"
Lynette: \"Nothing. I'm just saying you prefer women that are really curvy, like that sales girl or Claire.\"
Tom: \"There's only one type that I prefer.\" (He kisses her cheek.) \"You.\"
Lynette: \"Aww....You kiss as though that would end this conversation, and it so won't.\"
Tom: \"Why am I trouble, I haven't done anything wrong.\"
Lynette: \"The only reason you made love to me the other night was because you had just seen Claire naked.\"
Tom: \"Wha-? Aw, crap.\"
(Later, in the van, Tom and Lynette continue the conversation. Lynette is driving.)
Tom: \"Claire is a great nanny. It would be stupid to lose her over something like this.\"
Lynette: \"You and I have had crushes before. We always tell each other. We laugh about it. It's no big deal. What worries me about this is you're denying you're obviously attracted. Why?\"
Tom: \"I'm not denying anything.\"
Lynette: \"Oh, so you are attracted to her.\"
Tom: \"I didn't say that.\"
(Lynette puts on the brakes and suddenly stops the van. They are blocking the line of cars wanting to leave the parking garage of the mall.)
Tom: \"What are you doing?\"
Lynette: \"We are not going anywhere until you confess you have the hots for our nanny. Tom, it's okay. She's attractive. Men by nature are drawn to fertile young women with whom them can plant their seed.\"
(We see the lady in the car behind them get out and walk to them.)
Lynette: \"It's the basic flaw of your gender. I get it. Just do me the honor of-\"
(The woman stands outside of their car. Lynette notices her rolls the window down, staring at the lady on the other side.)
Woman: \"Uh, we'd all like to get out of here. Is there a problem?\"
Lynette: \"My husband won't admit that he has lust in his heart. Can you give us a minute?\"
(The woman holds up her hand in a 'I give up' gesture and walks back to her car. Lynette rolls up the window.)
Tom: \"Lynette. Claire is attractive, yes. But I am not attracted to her. Look, if I thought for even a second that there was any danger in having Claire around, I'd be the first to get rid of her. It's you! You're the one! You always have been and you always will be.\"
(They kiss. Horns start honking behind them.)
Lynette (laughing): \"All right, hold your water.\"
(They drive off.)
[Karaoke Restaurant]
(Julie and two of her friends stand on the stage, singing. They finish and Susan, Mike, Karl, and two more of Julie's friends clap.)
Susan: \"Yay! Oh, you guys were fantastic.\"
Julie: \"Thank you. Um, they've got a dance floor upstairs and we're going to go check it out.\"
Susan: \"Okay, have fun.\"
(Edie enters the restaurant.)
Karl: \"Edie! Over here!\"
Susan: \"What the hell is she doing here?\"
Karl: \"Well, I don't get to bring a date? I heard you were bringing him.\"
Susan: \"Of all people, you picked that tired piece of - Edie!\"
Edie: \"Hi Susan! Oh, thanks for the invite. God knows I needed something to get my mind off poor Martha. A kiss, for the birthday boy.\"
(They kiss, with Edie dragging it out.)
Susan: \"Uh, Edie, it's not his birthday.\"
Edie: \"Oh! Oh!\"
[Outside Bree's House]
(Bree and George are in George's car, which is parked outside of Bree's house.)
Bree: \"Thank you, George. That was a lovely evening.\"
George: \"The pleasure was mine. There is nothing better than great conversation with a beautiful woman over a delicious meal.\"
Bree: \"Well, I guess I should go inside.\"
George: \"I'm glad we did this.\"
Bree: \"Me, too.\"
(They lean over to kiss, but stop when there is knocking on the glass of the car window.)
Bree: \"Andrew, where did you come from?\"
Andrew: \"I was just on my way back from Brian's house. What's going on here?\"
Bree: \"Oh, uh, you remember Mr. Williams, our pharmacist?\"
George: \"Hey, there.\"
Andrew: \"How's it going? What are you doing in his car?\"
Bree: \"Well, we're just, um, talking. Mr. Williams took me out to dinner.\"
Andrew: \"You mean like on a date?\"
Bree: \"Well, um....\"
(She gets out of the car.)
Bree: \"Yes.\"
Andrew (to George): \"You are aware that she's married, right?\"
Bree: \"Andrew, your father and I are separated and you know it.\"
Andrew: \"I don't care. Couldn't you at least wait until he was out of the house?\"
Bree: \"The only reason he is still in the house is because you insisted I care for him.\"
Andrew: \"So, so what do you guys intend to do now?\" (to George) \"Are you two going to have sex?\"
Bree: \"No, we are not going to have sex!\"
Andrew: \"What? Why not?\"
Bree: \"Because I don't commit adultery like your father.\" (long pause) \"That's right. Your father had an affair. I found out about it, and I'm just trying to move on with my life.\"
Andrew (to George): \"You should watch out for her. She's a liar.\"
(Andrew stomps off.)
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle stands in her living room, sorting bills on the floor and making notes on a legal pad.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"In spite of her mounting debt, Gabrielle was determined to prove she could get along just fine without Carlos' money.\"
(The power suddenly goes out.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"It wasn't until the electricity went out that she finally began to see the light.\"
(She goes over to her cell phone and dials a number.)
Gabrielle: \"Mr. Hartley. It's Gabrielle Solis. I need you to start working on releasing Carlos on bail. Mm hmm. I just remembered where I put his passport.\"
[Karaoke Restaurant]
Edie (singing): \"I took the sweet life, never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet. I spent my life exploring, the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free, hey lady, I've been to paradise...\"
(The piano player throws in an extemporaneous passage, and Edie pauses.)
(Mike has his arm around Susan and she turns her face, kisses his cheek, then nuzzles the side of his face lightly with her nose.)
Edie: \"...but I've never been to me...\"
(Karl watches them, then turns back to watching Edie on the stage.)
(Whistling and clapping. Karl gives her a standing ovation, then twirls her around when she comes off of the stage.)
Edie: \"Oh, thank you!\"
Karl: \"Damn woman, you were good! All right, you're next, Suzie-Q. Whatcha gonna sing?\"
Edie: \"Yes.\"
Mike: \"You sing?\"
Susan: \"Only when I'm alone.\"
Karl: \"Come on, we're among friends.\"
Susan: \"I don't think so.\"
Mike: \"Well, I, for one, would like to hear your voice.\"
Karl: \"Give it up, plumber. She's not budging.\"
Susan: \"You want to hear me sing?\"
(Susan reaches forward and takes Mike's chin with her hand.)
Mike: \"Yeah.\"
Susan: \"Okay.\"
(She leans forward and kisses him on the lips.)
Mike: \"What's it going to be? I'll tell the piano player.\"
Susan: \"New York, New York.\"
Edie: \"Oh, I'm so excited to hear you. Oh, but doesn't it just figure...\"
Susan: \"What do you mean?\"
Edie: \"You have to get up in front of a room full of people dressed like that.\"
(Susan looks down at herself and laughs.)
Edie: \"I hope they don't turn on you.\"
Susan: \"I think I'll take my chances...sort of like you did--on those high notes.\"
(Edie does a fake laugh, then turns to Karl.)
Edie: \"I'm going to go get us two more.\"
Karl: \"That's a great idea.\"
(Edie leaves.)
Karl: \"So that Mike; he seems pretty even keeled.\"
Susan: \"Yeah. He's a great guy.\"
Karl: \"But you know, I mean, he's a little--Buster Brown. Don't you ever worry you'll gonna get bored?\"
Susan: \"Thanks for your concern, Karl, I'm fine.\"
Karl: \"Go figure. Even though our marriage was crazy at times, it never got dull.\"
Susan: \"Yeah, that part when you slept with your secretary was really exciting.\"
Karl: \"I know, how many times do I have to hear it? It was a mistake. But don't I ever get credit for the thirteen loyal years beforehand?\"
Edie: \"You must not be counting the Henderson's Christmas party.\"
Karl: \"Edie, not now.\"
Edie: \"Oh, what's the big deal, Karl. Your marriage is history anyway.\"
Karl: \"Edie...\"
Edie: \"It was nothing, really. Basically we both got plastered on egg-nog, and we found ourselves standing under the, uh, mistletoe...\"
Karl: \"Edie...\"
Edie: \"And we were like, okay, what do we do now? So I smiled, and he smiled, and then Karl reached over, and started feeling me up!\"
(Edie playfully slaps Karl on the arm.)
Karl: \"Susie, that's not how it happened!\"
Mike: \"All right, Susan, you're up.\"
Susan: \"What?\"
Karl: \"Hey, Susie, it's so silly...Susie.\"
(The piano player begins playing the opening notes to \"New York, New York\" as Mike pushes Susan up to the stage.)
Announcer: \"Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Susan Mayer!\"
(Susan gets up on stage and turns to look back at their table.)
Susan (singing): \"Start spreading the news...I'm leaving today...I wanna be a part of it, New York! New York! These vagabond shoes...\" (speaking) \"You're an ass, you know that?\"
(The piano stops playing.)
Susan (to the piano player): \"No, keep playing!\" (singing) \"Are longing to stray... there's a word no, right? And get around the heart of it, New York! New York! I want to...\" (speaking) \"Just tell you that the affair was one thing, I mean, I forgave you, because on some small level, I thought you were in love with her, and now I find out that you were just groping people at parties...\" (singing) \"Top of the
heap...\"
(Karl gets up to walk out.)
Susan: \"Karl, don't you turn away from me. Look at me! You know, what else were you doing during our marriage? How many other women were you sticking it to? As God as my witness, it will snow on the hills of hell, before I ever feel sorry for you again!\"
(There's a long pause.)
Susan (singing): \"New York!\"
(The piano plays a few chords in conclusion.)
[Wisteria Lane, nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"As the police interviewed the residents of Wisteria Lane about the mysterious disappearance of Martha Huber, my husband, Paul, reasoned it would only be a matter of time before their digging would begin to yield answers.\"
(Paul stands next to his car, holding a bag of groceries, as he watches the police interview his neighbor.)
(Later, he walks purposefully into the woods where he buried Martha Huber.
He digs her up and removes some jewelry from her body.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Since he knew the police had no suspects, he decided to point them to the most logical candidate.\"
(Paul walks up to a house and slowly, straining, pulls open the garage door.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"You see, if there's one thing that Paul understood about the suburbs, it was this:\"
(Paul walks into the garage. His flashlight shines over the workbench. He opens a drawer and places the jewelry in the back.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"No one's more suspicious than a new neighbor who's just moved in. \"
(Away from the garage, the camera pans to the mailbox of the house that Paul is out. The mailbox reads: \"Delfino\".)
[Lynette's House]
Lynette and Claire clean up dishes from the kitchen table while Tom sits at the table.
Lynette: \"Parker's getting sniffily.\"
Claire: \"Yeah, I noticed that, too. I hope he's not coming down with a cold. \"
Lynette: \"He doesn't have a cough yet, but he sort of has this post-nasal drip thing happening. \"
Claire: \"Oh, I'll make an appointment for him. I always say it is better to be safe than sorry. Little kids get sick and it's-\" (to Tom as she cleans around him) \"sorry - out of control.\"
(Tom's gaze becomes unfocused as he stares at the silver cross swinging back and forth between Claire's chest as she cleans and talks. Lynette notices his where his gaze is at and turns to look at Tom pointedly. Tom looks at Lynette. Lynette looks at Claire then back at Tom.)
Tom: \"Um, um, Claire? We have to make some changes.\"
[Outside Bree's House]
(Bree walks on the path to the garage, holding a large box. Andrew follows behind her.)
Andrew: \"What are you doing?\"
Bree: \"I'm packing up your father's things for when he eventually moves out.\"
Andrew: \"Here. Let me help you. Look, I, I talked to dad, and it turns out you
were telling the truth.\"
Bree: \"Andrew, I'm so sorry that I said anything.\"
Andrew: \"I know. I'm glad you did. Now I know.\"
Bree: \"There comes this point in every boy's life...\"
Andrew: \"What? When he finds out his dad is screwing around?\"
Bree: \"No. That his father's only human.\"
Andrew: \"So, why are you taking care of him? Is it because of what Danielle and I said? Because you can forget that. I'll help you take his stuff on the street if you want.\"
Bree: \"That's sweet, but I'm taking care of him because it's the right thing to do.\"
Andrew: \"Why are you being such a pushover? I mean, he cheated on you. He's a jerk!\"
Bree: \"Andrew, you will not speak that way about your father in front of me.\"
Andrew: \"Why the hell not? I mean, for once, I'm actually on your side!\"
Bree: \"Yes, I'm angry with him. I am going to divorce him. I may even marry someone else, but make no mistake about it, your father is, and always will be, the love of my life. He gave me the best eighteen-year marriage that I could have ever hoped for. For that, you will respect him.\"
Andrew: \"Okay.\"
(They walk back inside, arm and arm. Off to the side, unseen, stands Rex.)
[Susan's House]
(Karl knocks on the door and Susan answers.)
Susan: \"What is it? I'm really, really busy.\"
Karl: \"I came by to apologize.\"
Susan: \"Oh, well, in that case, come on in. I'm not doing anything.\"
Karl: \"I can't believe Edie brought the whole thing up. Susan, I, I am so sorry. I thought I was done hurting you.\"
Susan: \"Yeah, me too. And just so you know, I'm sorry for flipping out. I shouldn't let you get to me like that.\"
(Karl chuckles.)
Susan: \"What?\"
Karl: \"I do still get to you, don't I? That's the difference between the plumber and me. Oh, don't get me wrong. He's a good guy, and I like him. But I'm betting that you two don't have what we had together. There was always a spark between us.\"
Susan: \"A spark?\"
Karl: \"Look, what I'm trying to say is, he must seem really safe, after me.\"
Susan: \"A moray eel would seem safe after you.\"
Karl (laughing): \"That's what I'm telling you about. That great back and forth, joking around. We used to argue and push each other's buttons.\"
Susan: \"News flash! I hated all of that!\"
Karl: \"Come on, you have to admit, when it was good, it was the best.\"
Susan: \"What are you saying?\"
Karl: \"Let's give this another shot.\"
Susan: \"You want me back?\"
Karl: \"Yeah. Yeah. I realize now, that you were the woman that was meant for me.\"
Susan: \"Wow. Just so we're clear. You want to move back in here and be faithful to me and love me with all your heart and soul?\"
Karl: \"Absolutely.\"
Susan: \"Oh my god. This is so wonderful!\"
Karl: \"I know. I know. I want to kiss you.\"
Susan: \"Oh god, no. Karl, um, no, what I meant by wonderful was that I wondered inside if I still had feelings for you, if deep down I still loved you...\"
Karl: \"And...?\"
Susan: \"And, there's nothing there.\"
Karl: \"Come on, you got to feel something...\"
Susan: \"Well, actually, I do, yeah. Excuse me!\"
(She runs out of the house all cheery, throws the towel she was carrying up in the air, and runs over to Mike's house. She knocks on the door.)
Mike: \"Susan.\"
Susan: \"Mike, guess what? I love you!\"
Mike: \"Are you sure?\"
Susan: \"Yes!\"
(They kiss. Then she looks over his shoulder and sees the two policemen in his house.)
Susan: \"Did I come at a bad time?\"
Mike: \"Um, they're just asking some questions about Mrs. Huber.\"
Susan (to the police): \"I love him. You can write that in your little book.\"
(Mike chuckles.)
(The police officer holds up his book and smiles. The other raises his eyebrows.)
[Outside]
(Focus in on a stack of Mrs. Huber Missing fliers. The wind begins to pick up, blowing the fliers all over.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"We are all searching for someone. That special person who will provide us what's missing in our lives. Someone who can offer companionship...\"
(At Bree's house, Bree is on the phone in her living room.)
Bree: \"George, hi, it's me, Bree. I was wondering, are you free next Saturday?\"
(On the other side of the room, in plain view, Rex stands there and shakes his head slightly.)
Bree: \"You are? Oh, that's wonderful.\"
Mary Alice Voiceover:\"...or assistance...\"
(At Lynette's home, Lynette is on the phone with the phone book in front of her. Faintly, the sounds of her children screaming upstairs can be heard.)
Lynette: \"Hi, I understand your agency handles nannies. Uh, I need someone experienced and preferably unattractive.\"
(On the other side of the kitchen, Tom sips from a cup of coffee and briefly closes his eyes in resignation.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:\"...or security...\"
(In Gabrielle's house, Gabrielle is on the phone.)
Gabrielle: \"Hi, honey. Did the lawyer tell you the good news? You're gonna make bail. I found your passport.\"
(The burnt passport lies on the table.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"And sometimes if we search very hard, we can find someone who provides us...\"
(Susan sits outside her house, on her portable phone. )
Susan: \"Well, I just called to say hi, and I love you!\"
Mary Alice Voiceover:\"...with all three.\"
(Mike stands in his open doorway of his house, smiling as he holds the phone to his ear.)
Mike: \"All right, right. Enough already.\"
(In the woods the next day, a jogger and his dog run through the woods. The dog veers off to the left and the jogger follows.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"Yes, we are all searching for someone.\"
(His dog stops and begins digging in the ground.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: \"And if we can't find them, we can only pray...\"
(The dog continues digging.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:\"...they find us.\"
Jogger: \"Whatcha got, boy?\"
(He moves aside some dirt, revealing the swollen, grotesquely-colored hand of Mrs. Huber, lying in the dirt.)
~ The End ~
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